My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
