I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
