On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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