I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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