6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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