Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
