I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
