we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
