we have officially lost it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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