Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
