did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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