The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
