White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
