We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
