He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
