enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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