When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
