I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
