He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
