youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
