I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
