I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
