so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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