So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
