I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
