I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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