drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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