I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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