so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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