hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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