When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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