my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
