dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
