: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
