we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
