Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
