So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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