For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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