he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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