I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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