would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
