oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
