that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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