I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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