You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
