Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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