I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
