y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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