I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
