right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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