The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
