So drunk its hurt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
