Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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