Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
