no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
