Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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