No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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