Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
